mental health · wedding

The Post-Wedding Blues

white and green flower arrangement
Photo by Dmitry Zvolskiy on Pexels.com

I feel that there are experiences in life that nobody prepares you for. Some of those are small and seemingly unimportant. But when you are the one going through them, it feels a little frustrating that nobody thought it was worth mentioning that hey, this patch of life is going to get a little bumpy.

One of those things for me (and like I said, it can seem unimportant) is the concept of post-wedding blues.

Having now experienced this for myself, I think there are a myriad of reasons people don’t talk about it. One, some people may never feel this way, and that’s great! Two, people may think it’s “just me” who is going through it, so there’s no thought to even warn anyone else. And three, since it’s such a first world problem to complain about, people are embarrassed and refrain.

I knew enough about myself to expect an emotional free-fall after my wedding last May. My nature is to anticipate things – and live through those things – so intensely that I feel a little depressed afterwords. For example, January is always tough for me once the holiday season over, and in the past few years, I usually hit a funk after a family member or close friend got married. Somehow, I managed through most of the summer not reaching that temporary depression. Looking back, it was because the first two months are still the “honeymoon period” of getting back photos and videos, and reliving the day. In August, we had another close friend’s wedding, so it filled that void temporarily.

Then came September.

I guess it was the turn of the seasons that did it for me. When it was still summer, I was able to stretch the memories out over three months. It was still socially acceptable for me to talk about the wedding with everyone – when we’d meet up with friends, they told us their opinions and experiences from the big day. It was still a fresh topic of conversation for everyone. But as we moved into the autumn months, my brain processed the end of that chapter of our year, and it was rough.

I know it may seem silly to obsess over a single day. I also know that my marriage is more important that my wedding; it’s not about that. It’s about understanding that when you plan an event for 18 months, especially one with emotional significance, you’re going to get attached to it. You spend all that time preparing and dreaming, and even if it comes to life perfectly (I might even argue, especially when it comes to life perfectly), it goes by incredibly fast. At least that part, most people warn you about.

There is almost nothing I would redo about my wedding day. The biggest things to go wrong were thankfully very minor. I’ve told people it was like living inside of a dream – I had envisioned it and pieced it together over the months, and to see all of the decor set up exactly as I saw it in my mind’s eye was an experience I cannot forget. To top that, having all of our family and friends it one room was incredible. We had the time of our lives.

Writing about this made me feel immensely better, because yes, even in January when we’re closer to our anniversary than to our wedding day, I’m still feeling waves of sadness about it. Creating mental and physical touchstones might be my way through it – creating keepsakes from wedding cards, putting stationary and other mementos into shadowboxes, and watching the videos (which is exactly why I wanted videography in the budget).

As part of this process, I’ve decided that since I wasn’t active on my blog this time last year, I will be sharing details this year as we hit the anniversary of each event. It actually works out well because my bridal shower was in March, my bachelorette party was in April, and my wedding was in May, so the wedding-related posts will be nicely spaced out.

Do you get the post-event blues? If you’re married, did you feel them after your wedding? If you aren’t married, have you felt them after other big life events?

daily life · wedding

My own personal March madness.

Did you know that your life completely flies out the window when you’re in the throes of wedding planning?

Okay, so that may be a bit of an exaggeration, considering we are only on step one – which, little did I realize, step one is THE BIGGEST AND MOST TIME CONSUMING STEP OF ALL. Don’t try to argue with me, because I have spent nearly every weekend in a car with my mom and/or my fiancé, ending up at various locations, nodding over menus (that I don’t actually care about) and trying to envision what places will look like in gorgeous, plants-blooming-everywhere May instead of in the dreary, cold winter.

To top that off, I’ve unfortunately had my first frustrating experience of finding a place we love only to find out that all the dates we wanted are gone and the only one left is the start of peak season, which increases the cost and puts it out of budget. All the other places started to pale in comparison and now look less appealing, and even if they don’t, THOSE places are suddenly running out of dates as well.

It’s also super fun when you get sick on top of all of that, because in the midst of planning and also trying to maintain your social life, you forget to rest and that tiny little cold you felt coming on turns into a full-blown case of the plague (yes, that’s definitely what I have).

I know things will work out. I know we do still really like the other places we’ve seen, that one of those top-three places has many dates available and even let us put a hold on a date for free (for two weeks! So at least we have SOMETHING), and we have a few more tours at places that sound promising. It was just hard having that first crushing ‘I want this and could’ve had it but because of timing/money I can’t have it’ moment.

I will just feel so. much. better. once I have someplace booked for real. Then I can relax and get to the fun part, like finally seeing the rest of my to-be bridesmaids and, you know, tell them they’re bridesmaids. I’ve only done one person so far and it’s making me sad because I want to get started on group texts and also reveal my super-cute ask boxes (which I’ll likely share here).

Tell me what you’ve been up to lately. Also, have you been sick yet this year, and has it been awful? Because I haven’t been this sick forever and I am such a wimp.